Of Work and Balance

I’ve had kind of rough week.

Today, my bathroom scaled summed it up by spitting out a number that is four pounds above my normal weight. Which means that in a matter of four days, I’ve gained four pounds. Now, that would mean eating 14,000 calories above my normal intake and while I did inhale a bag of bakery-sized M&Ms on Monday night out of sheer pathetic-ness, even I know that I couldn’t have possibly gained that much pure fat. And while I know everyone likes a skinny girl bitching about her weight, I’m not so much mortified about the gain of 4 pounds (a small chicken at the grocery store) as I am about the meaning behind the 4 pounds.

Because my normal routine of taking care of myself has turned to shit in the past two weeks.

Before I even started the whole process below, I actually had to leave my first job in Los Angeles. Since it was an assigned rotation, it wasn’t like I had a Bon Voyage party in the break room. There were final presentations, final reviews, final lunches with people who probably were wondering why the pale girl in the corner looked like she was tweaking out. Nope, not on drugs. Just the overload of stress has made my eye start to twitch. Yup, I now have a twitching eye. Awesome.

But anyways, that was just the beginning. After I left LAX?

First, I moved. My parentals have always moved me so I’ve never really felt the stress. But basically, I took a red eye flight, slept for 6 hours (after being awake for 22 hours), and then in a panic due to the early arrival of movers, drove 2 hours south to Fort Wayne. I actually missed my entrance to the highway because I was freaking out. Thank god for Bonnie, the incredible GPS.

Then, I had to move. Physically getting myself from point A to point B was physically exhausting, but nothing compared to actually unloading boxes and putting stuff away and writing checks and figuring out how allllllll of my stuff is going to fit into one itty bitty closet. Yes, my closet is like a muffin top (you know, big girl stuffed into little jeans) right now: everything’s just pouring out. At one point, my mother had to feed me McDonalds (and you know I don’t do McDonald’s–I’m simply am a Subway girl) at 5 pm because I was turning white with an overload of stress, jet lag, and exhaustion. That doesn’t even include coordinating utilities, cable appointments, and deliveries. When my boyfriend drove down and asked me to go see a movie at 10 pm, I didn’t even read what the movie was about. I just thought: quiet. Nothing to do. Just sit. Of course, then he took me to The Gray with Liam Neeson. Spoiler Alert: Everyone dies. Really uplifting. Don’t see it. You’re welcome for spoiling it for you. Seriously, you’ll thank me later.

After I moved and then moved, I went back to Michigan for the weekend. I thought spending the weekend alone in Fort Wayne would be depressing (Little did I know that every day in Fort Wayne is depressing–don’t think the weekends get extra special depression treatment!) It was only six days ago, but I have no idea what I did last weekend. I know I bought a dresser. And that my dad told me I was allowed to be lazy. And I baked cookies. But really, I was in a fog.

Because then I drove back to Fort Wayne and got the overwhelming stress of starting a new job. And this isn’t a lush job. This job is HARD. This job makes me realize why men are the prominent gender in factories and why I also have way bigger balls than anyone gave me credit for. I might be pale, thin, and cutesy with my headbands and pink tshirts, but I am also way tougher than you think. Well, probably. I would have cried after my first day, but I was too tired. My hours are insane, I leave before the sun comes up and come home after it goes down. If I want to fit in a workout before work, I have to run in the freezing cold dark. I attempted to use the Apartment Complex’s workout room after work one day, but halfway through my usual run, I quit. My legs hurt, my head hurt, I’d worked a 10.5 hour day, and you know what? I was tired.

I guess the entire point of this post is three things:

1. I’m stressed out and exhausted to the maximum. I’m breaking out. My hair is falling out. Of course, I have a shitload of hair so that could just be normal shedding, but for the case of dramatics, let’s go with it. Not only am I coping with starting a new hard job, my apartment is a mess, my routine is in dire need of a clean up, and sometimes, all I want to do is just sit on my couch and not move or talk or text or email or blog. I want to be quiet. If I have ever come close to understanding why alcoholics do what they do, this would be it. Taking the edge off sounds pretty damn good.

2. I’m giving myself a Get Out of Jail Free Card. I’m going to be nice to myself about the last two weeks. Normal me would beat myself up about not working out enough, binge eating goldfish, and sleeping in until 6:30 instead of pounding on the pavement for a four mile loop at 5:30 am. But I’m not. It’s been a hard week and if the only way I can feel even just a little better is to eat carbs and chocolate and ice cream, then dammit, I’ve earned it. This Pity Party is full on and the only invited guests are me and a tub of Skinny Cow ice cream.

3. But next week, it’s time to make a routine. Not just so I don’t continue my trend of gaining a pound a day (or that muffin top of a closet will be a muffin top of a Maggie since I’m way too cheap to purchase new clothes) but because I need to have some structure in my life that is so out of whack right now, I’m too exhausted to cry over it. More water, less diet coke. Enough with the carbs and candy, hit out the healthy foods that are more filling and probably better for my brain chemistry, which is dealing with a lot right now. And even though 5:30 am runs suck, I need to do them for the endorphins and so that when I come home from work at 7 or 8, I don’t have to try and stack exercise on top of my already giant to do list. If it’s too cold to run outside, then I need to just suck it up and spend the cash to join a gym. It’s not like I’m spending money on having fun right now anyways. There’s the silver lining!

So, help me out. Have you ever been so stressed and overwhelmed and exhausted that the idea of getting up to empty the dishwasher seems as difficult as running a marathon? How’d you handle it? Am I lost cause? Am I doomed to gain a pound every day for the rest of my life?

xoxo

Color Scheming

My newest idea for the apartment:

What do you think? The last two colors, a sandy color and the fabric, are kind of non-negotiable as that’s the color of my furniture. But I’m thinking of going a little bold with the teal, purple, and chocolate brown. Together, they’d make gorgeous pillows and I’m thinking of being a total badass and painting my TV stand the dark teal. I know it’s a little trendy and would probably be out of style faster than you can clap your hands, but I’ll only be 23 once, the TV stand is a 23 year old hand me down, and it might be cute with some fun knobs. My apartment is so bland now…why not have some fun?

My style is very country chic or as one roommate called it, “Princess Maggie.” So, I don’t mind keeping the lighter, “princess” style in my bedroom, but shocks of bright color could really bring some life into the living room.

Too trendy? Any other suggestions? It’s just paint and pillow cases, I really don’t need a pro/con list for this (but I’ll probably make one anyways).

The Best Healthy Cookies in the World

There is an inner fat girl that lives inside my tummy. Her name is Maggie.

I love sweets. I eat healthy and exercise daily and even can’t handle sitting still for a full day, but man oh man do I love sweets. Over the past 9 months, I have mastered the healthy cookie. In fact, I’ve fallen for these cookies so hard, I have a hard time eating normal cookies–they’re just so sweet with sugar!

So I stole this image from skinnytaste.com because I forgot to take my own picture. But I swear they look IDENTICAL to this. But mine are yummier!

Recipe:

Ingredients:

• 1 cup whole wheat flour
• 1 tsp baking powder
• 1/2 tsp baking soda
• 1/2 tsp ground cinnamon
• 1/2 cup sugar
• 1/2 cup unpacked brown sugar
• 1/4 cup unsweetened apple sauce (maybe a little extra)
• 1/4 cup Libby’s Pumpkin
• 1/2 tsp vanilla extract
• 2 cups quick oats
• 3/4 cup Nestle dark chocolate chips

Throw it all into a mixer and turn it on low. If it looks too dry, add applesauce or pumpkin as you see fit. Then, divide on to cookie sheets and bake at 350 for 7 or 8 minutes–depending if you want them crispy or chewy!

They are delicious. And with no eggs, oil, or butter and made with whole wheat flour, you can afford to have a few more than normal–I think I usually cap myself at 4 a day. No, I’m not kidding. Enjoy!

****I forgot to take pictures and for that, I apologize. But I didn’t want to forget the amazing recipe, nor did I want to rob you of the chance to pig out on a healthy chocolate chip cookie :)

Greetings from Fort Wayne, Indiana!

I’ve got good news, new news, and weird news. Let’s start with the weird news:

WEIRD NEWS

I haven’t been blogging for the past six months because I started a new job in LA and really, I just worked a lot. It wasn’t very interesting beyond a few cutesy pictures that would probably make you feel sad that your weather didn’t allow you to linger on the beach. Views like these were a daily thing:

Pretty, Pretty Sky

I know, jealousy right?

Well, here’s the good news for your little green eyed monster: those days are over. I’ve been transferred. Buh bye Los Angeles, hellllloooo Fort Wayne, Indiana.

GOOD NEWS

The move to Fort Wayne isn’t a demotion, although you might think that because who the hell moves to Indiana except if you’re on the Last Train and your job wants you to quit. But I assure you it was a planned move and part of my program at work. In fact, in a weird way, it’s a kind of promotion because I’ll be doing work with way more responsibility than I had in LA. I’ll be in Indiana for 18 months before I’m moved again. I moved on Wednesday and let me tell you, I now realize why they make us sign up for the moves before we actually move: moving is a pain in the butt. But, in good news, I now have my own place! No roommates! No rented furniture! No shitty insulation with jacked up rent just because the building is a three minute walk from the bar!

I didn’t take “before” pictures per se, but here’s some pictures of what I’m working with:

A bedroom for a princess. A princess with no decorations.

A couch. A bipolar couch that can't pick its pillow type.

I hear people cook in these.

If I knew three other people in Fort Wayne, I could invite them over for dinner!

Okay, so I forgot to photograph the outside or the bathroom or the laundry area. I assure you it’s all very lovely, but I have a lot of work to do. Which brings me to the…

NEW NEWS

Because my mom lives 2 hours north of me and my boyfriend is far away too, it easiest to document the home improvement journey/rants here. So wahoo, we’re going on a DIY/BIY (buy it yourself!) journey together. How excited are you? We have quite a to-do list, my friends. To give you an idea:

cover plaid chair for bedroom * create/hang pictures above bed * organize closet* small stand/mirror for hallway * vanity and storage for bathroom * redo kitchen chairs and table * new kitchen chair pads * cover pillows * find rug for table * find rug for kitchen * hang shower curtain over laundry area to hide giant ugly machines * sew curtains for bedroom, living room, and kitchen * create/hang art above couch * hang art in dining room from christmas* hang wreath on door * create/buy/restore night stand * create/buy/restore side table * redo tv stand* hang/print pictures of family and friends* create/hang hangers by door for shoes and coats* cover bipolar pillows*

And that’s just a start. I’ll keep you updated as I go. To be honest, the early stuff I’ll mostly buy because some things just can’t wait (i.e. I really need a lamp in the living room!), but other stuff will be fun to transform myself and can wait a little longer for (like the TV stand).

I might not know a soul in Indiana or have any friends, but at least I can have a craft fair in my apartment. Here we go!

Tourists in My Own Town

This past weekend, I learned the true meaning of TGIF. Seriously, I haven’t been this excited for Fridays to come since high school. If there’s one good thing that comes from working 8-5 (you know, beyond health insurance, a paycheck, and that whole economic system thing), it’s that Friday is once again cool. In college, Friday was just average because Thursday was the best day of the week, since MSU schedules few classes for Friday. But here in corporate world, I’m all about the TGIF. Not the restaurant though. That’s gross.

Anyways, after work on Friday, I rolled out to Burbank, California to hang out with my dear friend Abby, the cutest actress if you’ve ever seen. If you haven’t already caught her on Lifetime or the Disney Channel, keep your eyelids peeled because she’ll hopefully be on CBS before too long. In the meantime, this picture was snapped of us:

She's a model and wearing no make up and just got out of the college. How do some girls do that?

We played a game of Happy Hour and as the loser of the “Who’s the DD” game, I was driving and sipped on my diet cokes. I had like 4. You can take the girl out of Michigan, but you can’t take the Diet Coke out of the girl.

We woke up extra early on Saturday to get in a run before we headed to Zuma Beach in Malibu. It was gorgeous:

This is Malibu at 10:45 am. By noon, I couldn’t have snapped this picture because the beach would be too filled with people to get a clear shot. Apparently we weren’t the only ones that thought it was a good day for tanning.

Speaking of tanning, I forgot to put sunscreen on one leg. Which means from my butt down to my ankle is FRIED. Bright red. And not in a cute way. I’m in pants for the week because I don’t think having too different colored legs is very professional.

We spent the day there, then I spent the night at home in Glendale relaxing, grocery shopping, and trying to explain to my neighbor Scott that an 850 calorie burrito from El Pollo Loco doesn’t make for a nutritious meal, even when paired with salsa and Tollhouse Cookies.

Sunday morning was another big jog and then we were off to the Hollywood Farmers market. I’m a naughty blogger and forgot to take pictures of the street food, but it was mouth watering. The prices were way higher than in Michigan, but the food was lovely and I had my radar on the entire time hoping to spot a celeb. They must have all been recovering from the Kardashian Wedding in Santa Barbara the night before because I left celebrity-less.

Afterwards, we went up and down the Hollywood strip to get some pics of us being extra toursity:

Afterwards, I went to church because I’m a grown up and grown ups do things like go to church. And like pay their own bills. And stuff. Or so I’m told.

In other news, I totally had a case of the Mondays today. The best part about Monday is when it’s over. Only four more days until a weekend filled with big piers, old friends, and attempting to avoid the high cost of living that comes with a so-Cal lifestyle.