Posted by M on Jul 25, 2010 in
Savvy Travels In a lot of ways, this has been the least stressful summer of my entire life. I wasn’t a big fan of high school. My brothers were really popular, but I was mostly really awkward, and slightly frizzy. I worked every summer from freshman year onwards, and if I wasn’t at work, I was shipped off to sports camps, church camps, academic camps, or educational vacations with the family. Years later, I still get jokes about how while my friends were in Panama City, I once spent 10 days hiking in Wyoming.
After graduation, I spent my first summer nerviously biting my fingernails, freaking out about attending college. I recieved a lot of shoulder rubs and pep talks about how everything would be fine. When it wasn’t fine, I spent my second summer nerviously biting my fingernails hoping a new school would be the answer to my qualms. That was more stressful than before because MSU was my plan B. I now had the added anxiety that there was no Plan C. Last summer, I took Calculas, which frankly was annoying enough to ruin my entire summer, and then I got to go to Rome. Which was amazing, but being half way across the world without a single friend taking classes? Stressful.
This summer, in comparison, has been a breeze. No, I don’t enjoy being 10 hours from home and yes, I would really like some quality Maggie + friends + family + boyfriend time, but my actual day to day life? So completely stress free.
I wake up in the morning and I go to work. My hours are flexed, so I manage to get there before everyone else so I have at least an hour of quiet before the world stomps in. I do some work, I do some online shopping, I have meetings where my only job is to sit there and be quiet. I live in a family where I rarely get a word in without raising my hand at the dinner table…I mastered how to sit there and be quiet when I was ten. I have lunch at my desk while reading weddingbee.com (I need to be prepared and up to date on my etiquette for when everyone in the world but me gets married), and then I attend more meetings in the afternoon. Occasionally, I peruse the hall and smile. They expect very little of me. In fact, I think they expect more from the janitorial services that are responsible for emptying their trash cans every night than they expect of me. I’ve gotten into binds before and I rely on my giggle to get me out of them. I’m lucky I look like I’m 15. Corporate America has very little standards for its 15 year old workers. Don’t get me wrong, I do work–but my work does not pay any bills, does not cause stress, and when I leave at 4 pm, I leave my work there.
At home, I am responsible for getting myself, and only myself dinner. Then I work out. Then I watch TV. Then I go to bed. In a nutshell, that’s my life. It’s completely boring. If this was my real life, I’d be dead in six months and literally, the guy responsible for declaring a cause of death would be like, “well, it looks like her brain just got really bored and forgot to remind her heart to beat, so she died.”
I have 3 of 11 weeks left of this schedule. Then, it’ll never be like this again. I can say with full certainty, this will be it for me. Next summer, I’ll either be working a full time job (where my duties do not include staying updated on the most recent articles detailing Lindsay Lohan’s jail sentence), getting ready for grad school (biting my fingernails), or getting ready for some other weirdo occupation that only a Flood Family member could pull off.
As stress free as this summer has been–and seriously, I took my pulse the other day and it was 56 beats a minute, I’m so stress free even my heartbeat is slowing down–I’m ready to go home. I made a mental checklist of all the things I should do before I “settle down” and put “down roots,” and I made sure to put “move some place I don’t know anyone,” and now that I’ve done that, I’d like to be able to check off “move some place where I do know people.” I’m ready to start spending my life with the people I love in a city I live. Alas, Minneapolis does not meet either of those requirements.
See, stress just means you have something you care about on the line. I’m stress free here because I don’t care. I don’t care if I don’t make friends–because I don’t plan on staying around. I don’t care if my job is horrible, because I haven’t accepted that I’m going to need a job soon. The biggest stresser I have is the half marathon I’m running in two weeks and that’s because that’s a life-long goal of mine. I care so much about that, I plan my entire schedule around the training regiment.
But back in East Lansing, I’ll be stressed again. I won’t have time to train…because I’ll have things to do. Friends to see, family to see, a cottage to nap in, clubs to run, and a yoga class to take with my best friend.
I guess my pulse is going to raise again. But that’s probably a good thing. I guess if your pulse isn’t racing, you’re not really living.
Posted by M on Jul 20, 2010 in
Savvy Travels
I know that many of you are planning vacations in the coming months. While some of your Signficant Others may want educational experiences or cultural experiences, or sun and beaches, I invite you to try out Dinkytown, Minneapolis, Minnesota! There’s not much to do, flights are overpriced from Michigan, and the weather usually sucks, so it’s perfect, right? Below is a guide to give your traveling companions to convince them that a visit to Minneapolis (and if you come soon, me!) is totally worthy of your vacation time.
Introduction
Welcome to Minneapolis, Minnesota! As you may know, Minneapolis is known for many things, including lakes, bike paths, and its excellent malls. Because people in Minnesota have nothing to do between the months of September and May, the government of Minnesota thought everyone should use retail therapy to make themselves feel better. Therefore, you can buy shoes and clothes without having the added burden of sales tax! How exciting! Since you’re a hippy and don’t like to feed into the industry that is trendy fabrics and jeans that make your ass look great, you can rest assured that even boutiques where the owners spin their own burlap to create clothing don’t have to charge you an additional 6%.
There are a lot of neighborhoods throughout Minneapolis, many of which I have not explored because I am lazy and many remain untouched because I took a vow to not drive my car anywhere except to work, so if I can’t bike somewhere, I will not be stimulating that area’s economy with my credit card. Still, the downtown area, called “Downtown,” is where the young professionals tend to live and work. It’s a little overpriced area, but pretty unique because it’s actually mostly connected by underground tunnels and tunnels between buildings. This is because in the winter, if you go outside, you will die immediately. Other areas, such as “Uptown,” are trendy and up-and-coming. I know it’s trendy because I went there and there were a lot of thrift shops. Trendy people always like to pretend they go to thrift stores.
Ethnic populations are all about Minneapolis, meaning you can strike gold on the food if you’re an ethnic food fan. Shops like “Holyland” offer lunch buffets with hummus so delicious, you’ll never eat hummus elsewhere again. Or at least that’s what yelp.com says. They’re only available for lunch during the week and I have a job, so I can’t go. But, I have sampled the Indian cuisine throughout the area as well as some other food, such as Chinese, and I assure you it tastes just like authentic Chinese American food available in Michigan.
In general, I would say Minnesota is much like Michigan, but more inconvenient to get to and colder. Oh, and the economy isn’t tanking. And Minneapolis is not as depressing as Detroit. But really, what city in America is? Flint is really the only runner up.
The Culture:
To prepare your midwestern selves for the unavoidable culture shock of visiting a city like Minneapolis, I would take a stroll around your own neighborhood. That should about do it. It’s the same.
The Weather:
Between September and April, you should only visit Minneapolis if the tickets to the Eskimo Tour you really wanted to see in Alaska are sold out; Minnesota can offer you a similar icy experience. In the summer, only visit if Michigan is just averaging 95 degree days, when you’d really prefer 105 degree days. I’m told by the natives that there are two days a year in Minnesota that are perfect. There are no ways to determine these two days ahead of time, so pack your bags like your wife is pregnant and get prepared to leave at the last minute.
Where You Should Stay:
You should stay in my neighborhood, although I’ve yet to see a single hotel. I have a twin bed I’d be willing to share if you come soon though. I recommend Dinkytown mostly because I haven’t lived anywhere else and it seems nice enough. Kind of like having sex in your Grandparent’s Guest Room. Not your first choice, but you’ve had worse.
Anyways, I live in an area called “Dinkytown” in a region called “Northeast Minneapolis.” In Spanish, that would be “Dinkytown” and “Noreste Minneapolis.” While such lingo may prove helpful, I would say 99.876% of the population speaks English. In addition, 85% of the population is white, so you have added benefit of blending in and not looking like such a tourist. Except for in my building, where 95% of the population is Asian. Don’t bother speaking to them, they have no interest in you. However, they are quite noisy and many seem to have made the decision to stay on Korean time, which means they’ll often be awake and bumping at ungodly hours.
The building, Chateau Co-op, was built in the 1970s and is quite stately. I call the architecture “Prison Chic,” but I’m not sure if that’s a technical term. The interior looks rather like what I imagine the projects look like. And as I sublease from little Korean girls, everything in the apartment is fun-sized. Please help yourself to the couch (which seats one) or a bowl (which is toddler sized). Don’t drink the water from the tap, it tastes like dirt. You can brush your teeth with the tap water, though. This is a civilized city, after all.
Dinkytown is a college area of Minneapolis, and borders the University of Minnesota. The University of Minnesota is the bastard child of Michigan State and Michigan’s one-night stand back in the 1800s. It has the rolling green campus of MSU, and Dinkytown offers the urban feel that Ann Arbor is infamous for. Luckily, the students of The U seem to have gotten MSU’s personality, and are quite friendly and don’t have anything stuck up their ass.
The bar scene in Dinkytown is pretty legit, but I took a vow of sobriety for the summer, so I haven’t had much time to investigate it through drunk eyes. The Library, Burrito Loco, Blarney’s, and the Kitty Kat Club, are all well-known establishments. Unlike Michigan bars, many bars in Minneapolis own party buses, where they’ll pick kids up from sporting events and drive them to their bar. They then offer brunch the next morning. It’s like a one stop shop: Transportation, drunk, hangover food. Mid-west hospitality at its best, eh?
Eating in Dinkytown
Food in Dinkytown is outrageously collegiate. Fru-lala offers frozen yogurt even those allergic to dairy can eat (score!) and there are some pretty interesting fusions going on. A place on 4th Street makes pizza…and adds French fries and macaroni and cheese on top, just to add a little extra spark to your heart attack. Al’s Breakfast on 14th Street is a hole in the wall joint which serves the best breakfast in Minneapolis. It seats 14 on stools. Beyond those type of joints, there are the typical Potbelly’s, McDonald’s, Subway, Bruegger’s, Panora, and a variety of shady looking booze stores. For State kids and alum, it’s pretty much Grand River minus Menna’s.
I’d be happy to cook for you if you need me to. I eat mostly poverty-like food, so prepare yourself for oatmeal, frozen green beans, and if you’re really lucky, some crystal lite. You’re welcome.
What To See While in Town (Top 5 Must See Spots)
5. The State Fair
The Minneapolis State Fair occurs in late August through Labor Day Weekend. It’s famous for really horrible food, like deep fried Twinkies, breaded in Oreos. Or Snickers wrapped in Bacon. It’s gross. And by gross, I mean delicious. I plan on leaving town before this year’s Fair, if only because I feel like one smell any of those culinary masterpieces has 3,000 calories and will instantly give me a case of cellulite.
4. The Mall of America
The Mall of America is floor after floor of stores, verifying that America is officially pathetic. I mean, we can’t just have one Victoria’s Secret in the Mall of America–we need one on every floor! Our consumers can’t handle taking the escalator up to get to us…we should come to them! That said, Minnesota’s philosophy is that shoes and clothes are necessities, and necessary items should not be taxed. Well Minnesota, we agree on that: my clothing and shoes are not frivilous items, they are necessary items. You hear that, Dad?
3. A Twin’s Game
I personally find baseball boring because I don’t understand why we need nine innings, when one would suffice. Let’s just have a quick ten minute game, and then drink beer at the stadium. After all, the drinking at the stadium is why most of the crowd’s there anyways. That said, this place seems pretty popular, but tickets are crazy expensive. I’d recommend using your savings from lack of tax on all those clothes to pay it off.
2. Sculpture Garden
I haven’t been here yet, but I hear it’s overrated, overcrowded, and that you can’t come to Minneapolis without stopping by the garden for a picture with a giant cherry in a spoon. I personally think I can live without a picture of me with a giant spoon, but if you can’t: here’s you chance!
1. Me!
If you can make it to Minnesota, come see me! I have no friends, no social life, limited internet access, and basic cable. Even if we barely know eachother, shoot me a text and I’ll gladly pretend we’re best friends forever just so I can assure myself my social skills are still intact.
Conclusion:
Did that convince you? Have you booked your ticket yet? Can you take me home with you?!
Posted by M on Jul 7, 2010 in
Savvy Travels
I am definitely my father’s daughter. Or at least, I am the result of watching my alleged father my entire life, as he sometimes claims that I technically the daughter of the milkman.
Still, one of the traits Captain Cliffy (CC from here on out) have in common is that we both like to walk the line of…inappropriateness. We like to be a little outrageous with our jokes and our actions. We enjoy getting a rise out of people, whether that be with a one-liner that’s so bad, people can’t help by bend over with laughter, or with a comment, sarcastic remark, or maybe even an action that causes people to wonder if they should cringe or giggle.
CC and I both have learned (although, sometimes the hard way) that there’s a time and a place for the sense of humor. Sometimes, it’s definetly not appropriate. Sometimes it’s good to go. And if it’s on the edge of good or bad, instead of waiting to find out if it’s appropriate, we’ll often just do it. Risk it. Why not?
I often use my profanity-laden jokes (ha, you thought with my cute little apron and cookie recipes I was totally from the fifties, right? Wrong. I’ve been dropping F-bombs since the 7th grade) to weed out friends. I mean, if someone can’t take a joke or gets offended by sarcasm, it’s just not going to work out. And it’s me, it’s not her. I’m not willing to change my sense of humor just because a joke about how I’m going to marry rich and never work could be seen as feeding into all the stereotypes feminists have spent centuries attempting to undo. I mean, there are days that I take the elevator up one set of stairs because I’m too tired to walk. I clearly don’t have the energy to consider all the ramifications of a joke with purely innocent intentions, especially around my friends. And sheesh, if we’re friends, we’re probably going to happy hour. Too tired and you’re adding alcohol to the mix? I most certainly won’t be filtering my words.
This “playing with fire” philosophy used to be an issue in my personal life as well. I take a very “what the hell!” approach to a lot of things, which I’ve learned can have very good or sometimes very horrible consequences. Sometimes it’s fun: I might be lactose intolerant, but if I’m at an ice cream stand and it’s 102 degrees out, what the hell! One small vanilla softserve isn’t going to throw my digestive system into retirement.
And sometimes it’s very bad. Like, if I decide to try the shellfish at a restuarant even though I KNOW I’m allergic but it smells good and gosh, I’ll be fine, I insist to everyone. And then my lips get all tingly after one bite. And then I can’t admit that at all because I just made a HUGE deal about how one bite wouldn’t hurt. Whoops.
I’ve also learned that the “Eh! What the hell!” mantra is no good when it’s a big decision. Well, perhaps for a big decision it’s okay, but for a permanent decision? Don’t even think about just “what the hell”-ing it. You draw out a chart and weight the pros and cons. Want to know how many times I’ve sat down and actually thought about my rooming situation in college? Once. This year. And that was only because after three years of being pretty unsuccessful, my own mother thought I was bitching too much to just sign a lease without considering important things like, “do you actually think you can live successfully with these people?” And by live, she means actually spend time in the house and not run over to my boyfriend’s every time someone I have a rough time handling walks through the door.
In my old, old age, I’ve also learned that some smaller decisions can have big consequences later if you don’t think them through. An old, old high school/middle school boyfriend e-mailed me a few weeks ago and wants to try and be friends. I thought about just shooting back an email with a “sure, whatever.” I mean, I don’t really care. Innocent, right? I reconsidered, and then woke up three time zones to discuss the consequences of my reply. My gut said no. And I had three worldly advisors agreeing with me. Not because it wasn’t innocent. But because relationships and friendships always end for a reason. Reopening a friendship? Unless the relationship ended because of distance and now said friend is moving in to the other side of your duplex, you’re probably better off. Why rock a ship you’re enjoying smooth sailing on?
CC and I have learned to behave ourselves in social settings. Well, for the most part. We tend to mutter things under our breath. CC’s wife (aka, “mom”), has very good hearing, and she says she doesn’t appreciate our mumbling. I’m pretty sure she’s lying. We’re hilarious. As long as you appreciate raunchy, outrageous, and a little goofy humor.