My Minneapolis Summer: Corporate College

College is by far, the most amazing idea society has ever had. I get that the papers and exams suck, and I’ve had more bad professors than good, but the  lifestyle is unbeatable. Find another time in your life when all you have to do is attend classes 12 hours a week, and as a reward, you get to live on your own, have someone else pay for most of your expenses, go to the bar on weekdays, and sleep in four out of seven days of the week. This lifestyle is gold. For all those naughty kids in high school who thought they were too cool to study and ended up at community college or working a job right out of high school: you’re totally missing out. Seriously. Sucks for you.

 

So summer, for me, is always bittersweet. Sure, I’m happy to have a break from constant stress and the dramatics that come along with putting 20,000 co-eds in a two mile radius (the major debbie downers in college life), but I’m always happy to regress to my former life when August rolls around. Still, the one thing I’ll say about corporate life is that, with a little inspection, the traits of college life have not been completely forgotten. Inside these cubicles reside 3,000 employees who used to party at the frat house, drink on Tequila Tuesday, skip class on Friday, and stroll the walk of shame on Saturday mornings. Let’s take a closer look at how college style and corporate style overlap a little more than we think:

 

1. The outfits

There’s two types of outfits people sport in the workplace: The first is the professional look. Blazers, pencil skirts, dresses, heels, black pants.Or on casual days: trendy jeans, professional yet tight in all the right places blouses, polo shirts, dockers. The works. You know what I mean. Look around for your newest employee or intern. They’ll fit this category.  These outfits are usually super spiffy and nice towards the beginning of a job (much like that cute little black dress that makes an appearance the first week of class), and then as the job wears on, the outfits get a little, well, dumpier. You’ve already impressed people, so you stop trying so hard. Who wants to wear three inch heels all over a building all day? There’s stairs everywhere. Walking up stairs in heels is a major commitment and if you’ve got no one left to show off for, what’s the point? Might as well switch to flats and lower your risk of falling on your face, which would just increase your healthcare costs anyways.

 

In college, these types of outfits are brought out at the beginning of the year. When we’re all tan and happy and just back from school shopping with parental moneybags. These new outfits last about two weeks or maybe even a semester  if you’re a freshman. But not that long. Don’t get excited.

 

Which brings me to outfit type 2: rumpled black pants, low wasted skirts (and yeah, those legs aren’t shaved), loose black pants, capris that don’t require three inch wedges just to look presentable, belts that are worn, shoes with scuff marks, collared shirts–with logos of sports teams or even other companies. Take a look at someone in your company who’s been around for a while. They’ll wear this stuff and they’ll wear it proud. They don’t have to look hot to demonstrate that they’re proficient at their work. These people, are your seniors and juniors in college. They’ve been to the bar, okay? They can buy alcohol. They have cars on campus. And friends. And they don’t even ned a map to get around. And yes, they believe your “dress” is cute, but really, maybe you should consider pants next time you’re around because your ass is hanging out. These employees are much like the kids in college who on Fridays, don’t feel a need to dress up for their 8 am lecture a half mile across campus. While the intern/freshman is sporting jeans that no one’s sure how she managed to slide into them, this employee/student is in the most comfortable outfit they own. It’s Friday. No one cares.

 

2. The Drinking

 

There’s a phrase in college that goes, ” We’re not alcoholics until we graduate.” Cue laughter.

 

But seriously, these crazy mo-fos in corporate life are all about the happy hour. In college, Happy Hours are from 3-7, and no one can make those because that’s prime napping time. But in corporate life? I’ve watched employees leave with their bosses early from work to go to happy hour! And frankly, who can blame them? If you have to sit in a four by five cubicle all day, you deserve a drink. And contrary to what we’re told in University-Land, drinking on weekdays is not a sole attribute of college. People in this “real world” drink every night of the week. Do they get drunk like college kids? Not usually. But I feel like that’s more because their livers can’t tolerate as much as booze after being violated so much in their undergraduate years–at least on weekdays. I’ve heard, on more than one occassion, co-workers getting together before dinner for “cocktails” or having “drinks before we go out.” We do that in college, too. It’s called PreGaming, which is when you drink your cheap booze before you go to the bar, where one shot is the price of an entire fifth at Meijer.

 

Not to mention, most people in Corporate life are much too sophisticated for tequila shots and beer. . Don’t fool yourself, winos, you’re the same as the kids in college who drink boxed wine–you just have deeper pockets.

 

3. The Dating Scene

College relationships are tracked via the internet in the form of “facebook.” When you get a Significant Other (SO), you update your social networking site so that your besties, gossip hounds, and exes can all hear it from you: you’re off the market. If you start dating a guy, you have the facebook chat: “ummm, so should we take single off our social networking page? Do you want to link to my page?” It’s a pretty big deal when it’s a “yes.” In fact, when my friends get a new boyfriend, the only thing asked is, “well, is it facebook official?” And if you see a cute guy at the bar and get his name? You run home and look him up on facebook. You can get a scope of his hobbies, mutual friends, major, and the biggest question answered: is he already in a relationship?

 

In corporate life, this equivalent is “The Ring Check.” New hire comes in. Perhaps good looking. The secretaries mingle. The co-workers gossip. The biggest question: “Was he/she wearing a ring?”!” A wedding ring, to clarify.

 

4. The Boss

In college, we have professors that lecture at us all day long while some diligent students (including me, Monday through Thursday), take excellent notes, while other students (including me, on Fridays) put a laptop on their desk and check out the world wide web while we’re preached at by a professor who reads off of a powerpoint he’ll post online later. The American Education System at its finest, ladies and gentlemen.

 

In Corporate life, we have bosses who read off Corporate letterheads while I set in my cubicle and look busy. The only difference between me looking busy at work and me looking busy at school? My work computer has a few sites blocked. But, don’t worry: I can still online shop, browse my favorite blogs, and if I shut my eyes in my cube, I can even feel like I’m back in an auditorium at state. Delightful.

 

 

 These parallels are key to my adjustment to corporate life. And also, it’s nice to be paid to blog every day. Perhaps that’s something we could work on for when I’m in school, too.