Posted by M on Sep 7, 2009 in
Completely Biased Memories Some people hate spiders. Some people hate dogs. Some people have hatred of really peculiar things, like the smell of rain in the summer or particular types of clowns.
Me? I hate water.
Yeah, I get it’s one of nature’s three main elements. And I appreciate that without out, our system couldn’t function and that my body needs it to survive. Thanks water, for that, anyways. And actually, drinking water is completely fine by me. I enjoy a bottle of water as much as the next dehydrated girl.
But water used as entertainment value really irriates me. A body of water that I can splash around and in and potentially drown in? No thanks, I’ll pass. Showers? Necessary, for sure, but totally a waste of time. And body water? There’s just nothing quite like not being able to zip up those extra snug jeans because it’s “that time” and my body’s bloated out.
The feud between water and I go way, way back. I was always the worst in swim class. My mom felt it was important for a kid to learn how to swim, so she signed me up for those classes through our local high school that lets you learn to swim over the summer. That was a big fail. It’s pretty hard to learn how to do anything but wade when you refuse to put your face under water.
When I was four or five, I had a near drowning incident. When recounts of this story have changed (as in, I exaggerate them and my mom refuses to admit that what occurred could have been life or death), the general bones of the story are as follows: I fell in a pool, I had to be saved. Had I not been saved, I would have died.
Such a near drowning experience at such a young age is difficult to overcome. And I really did carry this hatred with me. I never became a strong swimmer and while I of course take showers, my roommates love me because I’m in and I’m out. It’s like a blink. An old boyfriend used to make fun of me because he had to wonder how a girl could wash her hair and soap up so quickly. “I hustle,” I’d always reply. “I go as fast as I can and hope that the worst will be over soon.”
When I was a sophomore in college, there was an incident involving a river and a strong current and once again, I had to be saved. While I was riding down the river and it seemed like death was imminent, all I could think was, “Water you bitch. You finally won, didn’t you?”
Of course, I did manage to survive that little incident (Ha water! How you like me now!), it’s kind of made me even wearier of the bonds between hydrogen and oxygen. I barely touched the water all summer, except when I was in Italy and cliff diving. Even then, I just closed my eyes and hoped it’d be over before I knew it. My lake house could be in a desert because I’ve barely touched the lake in years. I don’t do pool parties.
To be clear, I’m not scared of water. It’s just not my thing. It’s like most girls and sports: we’re aware they exist, we’d just prefer not to sit through them. Or discuss them. Or acknowledge their presence.
My goal for this year is to tame the wild beast that is water. I’m going to start by learning how to swim. I’ll let you know how that fares. A 20 year old in swim lessons? Only I could be that ridiculous.
Posted by M on Sep 4, 2009 in
My Current Life No, unfortionately, this will not be the long-awaited list of my hobbies. I mean, I’m sure I’ll blog that eventually. Afterall, if I don’t, how will you rush out and make my hobbies your hobbies so we can be best friends forever?
I apologize for my lengthy hiatus from the blogasphere. After my sad departure from ROMA, I moved from my apartment to a glorious and quite spacious and well-decorated (we even made pillow covers) house out at Michigan State. The move was most difficult, mostly because I was going from a furnished apartment to a much larger non-furnished house. That meant tracking down a bed, a kitchen table, and the necessary knick-knacks to feminize an otherwise typical collegiate house. While the kitchen table was purchased off Craigslist for 50 bucks and another five dollars for some strong glue (thanks Dad!), the bed was quite a debacle. We tried Craigslist, but when we arrived at the first house to a mattress with some type of blood stein on the back (just use your imagination on what that could have possibly been), we went ahead and just bought one at the mattress store. There’s nothing that makes a kid feel more loved than hearing their mother walk into store and hear, “What’s the cheapest bed you’ve got? We’ll take it!
Moving aside, there was also the slight debacle of the break up with my sophomore prom date. Yeah, my prom date from my sophomore year of high school. For you non-math majors, that means we dated for about four and a half years. That just really took a lot of brain power too. I mean, emotional issues aside, I’ve spent the last week or so trying to figure out how to do stuff for myself. Like how to install a printer to my computer. Or how to hang a canvas that weighs more than me. I mean, I feel like I need to hire a butler just to have a guy around to carry my bookbag when it gets a little too heavy. I’m all about women’s rights, but I’m having a few issues figuring out who’s going to come unplug and reset the smoke detector when it undoubtedly goes off when I’m cooking.
Of course, then there was Welcome Week at Michigan State. Former Spartans, you know what that means. Non former Spartans and present parents, rest assured that…well, it’s over and in the past, so let’s just move on. I mean, no one died. Well, that I knew, anyways.
And that takes us up to the first week of classes, which I just completed. I won’t bore you with that.
I will, however, issue up some fabulous things YOU, my faithful and VERY patient reader, can look forward to. Coming topics I have every intention of covering:
1. sorority rush
2. how to deal with the question, “So, where’s your boyfriend?”
3. How to cook without turning on your oven or pressing a button on your microwave!
4. How to build the Beer Pong Table of your Family’s dreams!
And a variety of other topics that I’d tell you about, but I haven’t thought of them yet. This blog is more of a spontaneous occurrence, I don’t want to tarnish that.
Catch you soon! No seriously, soon. I have no boyfriend, and therefore my social life is seriously lacking, leaving me plenty of time to not be lacking here. Anyone have any cute sons?